consumed by consumerism

IT's funny how now that we've started this blog thingy, every time I'm walking around and a new thought occurs to me-- the thought immediately invades my mind: "this is blog material".. so beware Beautiful Soul -- your commentary was as beautiful as err.. your Soul. Now is my turn to hear my own voice endlessly. Time for an already big-headed Humphrey to rant on and share trite, overused.. and mayyyyybe once in a while, if you're lucky, novel and interesting insights. . . before I go on, let me just add that Beautiful Souls other posts will insha'Allah be responded to. But for now, I feel compelled to share a few thoughts about.... today, yesterday....and life as such.

Mall's are a great wake up call. So is CNN, FOX 5, any TV channel basically. It's a huge wake up call for people like me who live in their I go to work, read my books on Sufism, pray, eat, call Beautiful Soul, attempt to take calligraphy and arabic classes, take long solitary walks, bore Ooga Booga with not-so-revolutionary "epiphanies," drink lots of tea and sleep kind of people. Essentially, we create our own bubble of a somewhat comforting psuedo "reality." This reality is disturbed when I watch movies. When I go to the mall. When I am dumbstruck at the shallowness of the way life has been set up around us, only to find myself in its midst... slowly but surely... succumbing to its hollow and meaningless call. An endorsment of surface level existence. Are we doing a good enough job of creating our own nurturing atmosphere or are we bigger victims of consumerism than we let ourselves believe?

For example, (this happened today) you're walking around the mall and you see this REALLY NICE shirt. While I'm typically the most boring and non-adventurous shopper, occasionally I have this "instinct." I'll call it "our instinct" in general. That instinct to immediately buy that shirt. And we hear that favorite line pass through our nafs "if you don't buy it now you won't ever find a shirt like ever never in life your again and your life will....umm.. somehow cease to be the same!!!" .. and we struggle with ourselves. Enter Inner Jihad. But how the heck can that even be our though process?! That we somehow need this shirt even though we have 15 lying at home, or we have to try that dessert even though we've tried a million different ones before? What exactly are we so scared of losing? That's what baffles me, first and foremost about myself, and secondly, about people in general. But since it's true about me, of course, it makes it easier to believe that since we all share this humanity together, we all fall into the same, ridiculous patterns of thinking and processing..

Anyway, today as I was walking through H&M, The Limited etc, and it just hit me. If it is indeed true that "you won't find a shirt like this again" or "a pair of shoes like that" again.. then why is it that every time we go back to shop, we find yet another shirt that is to-die-for. No Ooga Booga and Beautiful Soul, lol I realize that you two might be more "fashion conscious" than me. But worry not, I am using shopping as a parable for a larger malady that afflicts us all. Its really about me and you drowning in the so-called "wants" dictated by society. I have a mountain full of my own "wants." Sure, we've battled far enough to be wearing hijab, not going out to parties -- but cmon. Let's be honest, that's easy for us now. It's our "comfort zone." Yet when it comes to consumerism, we are like young children. Gullible and innocent (this can also apply to me more often than not, wanting to always try different desserts or teas, wanting more pairs of pants etc). We fall into the same trap over and over again. How inwardly detached are we?

It's so comforting to pick and choose an exterior identity. I don't just mean personality. But even, say, the clothing we wear (again, I'm using clothing/shopping as a microcosm for a larger parallel). From Ooga Booga's notorious outfits and Beautiful Soul's glittery jazzy shnazzy belts ;) to Humphrey's red jeanie pants and limp boots.. we are constantly constructing our identities and hold on to them -- ever so dearly. Sometimes I find myself indulging in just how great my outfit looks .. so comforted at the exterior I will be presenting to others. And it works! Partially. Temporarily. Or does it? It's scary when you see through yourself and shudder. But you shrug it off. put on that eye liner, that matching hijab and off you go, the "modest woman" . . . you, the walking talking representative of those-who-allegedly-submit-to-al-Haqq, al-Muslimeen..

basically, what I'm trying to say is -- we should all wear niqab.

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SIKE. Na, again, it's not about modesty or clothing or consciously looking ugly.. it's about focusing on the wrong things altogether. Any given day of our lives. forgive me for saying/writing anything dishonest or nafs-filled for that was not my intention..